I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
