I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
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LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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