What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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