If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
