Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
