the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
