I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So many bounce houses so little time
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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