he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
