I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
