we made out on top of his cat.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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