Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
