That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
