I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
