I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am mentally ready for anal.
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