Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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