I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
