You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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