Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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