I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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