Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
