I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
