the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
