I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
