I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
