I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
