she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This is my gift to your gina
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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