you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
