I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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