we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize