Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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