: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
