If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
