I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
