too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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