I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
