Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
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Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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