I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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