You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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