You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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