He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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