That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
