I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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