Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
