life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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