She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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