Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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