I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
