you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
NoShamevember. You game?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
