Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
