He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
