How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
