Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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