You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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