shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
