Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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