I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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