We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
