We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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