she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
