i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
