well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Oh god it's open bar.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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